Having twins when lockdown is about to go down
For me Lockdown during maternity isn’t so bad. It definitely isn’t so isolating. Not compared to a traditional maternity leave.
Being on maternity is a bit like being on a lockdown. Except now there is no FOMO. I had a huge amount of FOMO with my first baby. Well no chance of that this time round. This time round I feel a lot more prepared, more ready to be a Mummy. Even with new baby twin girls who are just 7 weeks I would say 0-1 baby is much harder then 0-3 (hope I haven’t jinxed this).
Having any kind of newborn during lockdown let alone twins, for me the only real difference is not physically able to share your beautiful newborns with your family and friends. I say this as ‘sharing’ but I mean ‘needing help from’. They say it takes a village to raise a child… and trust me there is no village in my household. Just me and my husband living on survival mode. There is some positives with no family or friends visits… no worries about sharing your babies with ‘outside world germs’ no worries about putting on an outfit & a bit of make up on to look human on the outside but really the inside saying and feeling something else… no worries about making your house look presentable so you don’t feel like someone is gonna call the social services because the dishes have not been cleaned, and you are incapable of making a cup of tea let alone feeding a baby… (I mean seriously crazy postnatal brain) anyway what I’m saying is no visitors can equal a lot less stress. If I was to be asked now what I would prefer – I would be greedy and say a bit of both, I want some rest bite, I want someone to hold the babies, play with my two year old so I can go have a bath or walk round a park alone or with my husband for 20 minutes. But I want all that with no silly postnatal brain worries. Who cares if I don’t make you a cup of tea, am still in my PJs, who actually cares if the house looks like a scene from real life action Roald Dahl, The Twits.. they don’t care so why should I.
Newborn twin baby girls plus a two year old and no family or friends or nursery to help lighten the load has been a real struggle. As I said before I have been trying to focus on the positives and I have another; which is that me and my husband have had to become even more of a unit, learn quick on how to adapt from 1 child to 3. It has not been easy but maybe this would of taken a lot longer if not for the lockdown. I feel like getting through this with him alone and with no one else… we can get through anything… another positive; although his working from home now (another adjustment we made a couple of weeks ago when paternity ended) he is around, he is still at home, he is still able to see and hold the babies and able to help me, cook for us, help keep the house clean(ish) – for me it’s like having him on a part time paternity leave and it’s bloody great!!! I feel so strongly that men should be given more time after their children are born. Not just to spend time with them and get to know them in this ‘newborn faze’ that yes feels like forever but in hindsight goes by so quick… he has also been there for me… So many women are left alone (we should re-name it maternity lockdown) a couple of weeks after given birth and find themselves in all sorts of trauma mentally and physically. Who do they really want to be there to help them: their partner of course! The person who helped create or decide to have these children with… it’s all well and good family and friends helping (if able) but it’s not the same. No wonder women struggle so badly after creating life and bringing them into this world… two weeks paternity leave- seriously!!
I really hope that post lockdown many things are realised. Many positive things come out of what we have learnt in this strange time and one huge one being that paternity leave needs to be longer or even ‘part time’ by working from home. I bet other countries which have longer paternity leaves have less anxious, depressed, sent into a state of shock postpartum women.
I have more positives about maternity in lockdown… More you say! – friends and family what’s app groups have been next level. There is always someone to speak too, chat with because most of them are bored out their skulls. I tell you what I’m not bored in the house. In the house bored. (TikTok reference for all you cool kids out there) My babies are already 7 weeks… which I’ve just realised = 7 weeks in lockdown!! Feels more like 7 minutes to me. No chance of being bored in this house!
So yes, being isolated is lonely but that’s what a standard maternity leave normally is (well it was for me first time round) And I imagine it probably is for most… but maternity leave for me this time round compared to first time has been the least isolating experiencing. I have my husband home with me and friends and family to speak to at a drop of a hat… and I don’t even need to answer the door.
How did you find your maternity leave? And if your on maternity leave now how are you finding it?
What other positive things do you think we should learn from life after lockdown?